This has to come out.
I’m through with going back to the past. I’m worn out of looking back at the time we spent together and tired of pondering what it all meant. I know it had to end so why do I still allow myself to go there? Why am I still letting myself think of you the way that I am?
Maybe its because what I felt that we had I had never felt with anyone before and believe that it was a feeling reserved for only you. Maybe it’s because of the tingles that the touch of your hand gave me. Maybe its because I was so hurt by how it ended and how you said you heard what other people had to say about me and that was what led to your decision to leave. Maybe its because I believed what we had was something that it wasn’t and its too hard for me to accept that.
I forced myself to get through the heartbreak that you left me with. And I’ve gone to great lengths to forget everything that I loved and admired about you. Nothing works. Nothing has been able to change the fact that I still think of you. Not the way that I did when we were together, now I think of you in the present tense and wonder how you are. Sometimes I fight off those thoughts, other times I find them to be pleasant.
This has no real ending or resolution.
(Because this is the beginning)
All I know is that I know absolutely nothing at all.
(Conversations with myself in the shower)